Christmas at the Lollar's

I was lax in getting a lot of pics this year. Too busy hosting, I guess. We were glad that mom, dad and Uncle Jim could come over, along with Stacey and Gus. Brian made an excellent prime rib, along with champ potatoes, a salad, green beans and rolls. We were even lucky enough to have leftovers!
We then opened gifts. It was a lovely day!

Tessa at her happiest, when someone is giving her full attention...

We're so glad Uncle Jim is in town!

The boys, looking so happy that I was taking pictures.

I wanted to show everyone how great mom looks!

Stacey looking just beautiful!

The recently engaged couple!  Gus and Stacey

Riordan being attacked by bows...

Finally!  A decent pic of Corrin!  Yeah, he's huge.

Spiders

The last couple of nights I have been dreaming of spiders. In both dreams, I see the huge spider, but can't seem to move. In both dreams, the spider follows my movements.

I can't remember all of my first dream, but I remember last nights. I lifted up my piano key protector, and underneath there was what I thought were just dirty cobwebs. As I started to play the piano, I realized the cobwebs were following my movement as I played. At closer inspection, I noticed it was a HUGE spiderweb with a even bigger spider within. I kept playing, with a certain fascination that the spider would follow my movements. I was scared to death, but I couldn't remove the spider, and I couldn't do much but keep playing. In both dreams, I never killed the spider. In the first dream, I remember the spider jumping, but I don't remember much more than that.

I went to a dream interpretation site and found this:


Arachnophobia, the fear of spiders, is the most common phobia among American people. Many of us find these hairy, eight-legged creatures very creepy. There is no doubt that a dream about spiders may simply be your subconscious expressing that prevalent fear.

However, the image of a spider goes much deeper than just a creepy-crawly to fear. Spiders have many associations that may be symbolically represented in your dream by the appearance of a spider.

SPIDERS AS TRICKSTERS: If you have ever read any African fables, you may have noticed that the spider is a devious, tricky creature. Even in modern western society we associate spiders with trickery (come into my parlor, said the spider to the fly). This is most likely because spiders lure and ensnare their prey. If you are dreaming about spiders, there is a possibility that your dream is warning you that you may be tangled up in a web of deceit. Take a good look at those around you, especially those in whom you have put your trust.

SPIDERS AS WEAVERS: Another association of spiders comes from their ability to weave beautiful and intricate webs. There is an old Greek myth about a woman named Arachne who was an incredibly gifted artist and weaver. She was also insolent and rude, claiming that her abilities were greater than those of Athena, the patron Goddess of weaving. After challenging Athena to a contest, Arachne felt so bad for her disrespect to the Goddess that she hanged herself. Athena took pity on Arachne and brought her back to life as a spider, so that she could hang forever weaving her beautiful creations, as well as all of her ancestors. If you are dreaming of a spider web, it may indicate that you are ignoring your creative impulses. If you dream of a spider weaving a web, it could mean that inspiration is right in front of you. Either way, the dream is urging you not to resist or ignore your artistic impulses. Even if you do not consider yourself an artistic person, your psyche is encouraging you to explore and unleash your creativity in some way.

SPIDERS AS FEMALE ENERGY: When considering the symbolic meanings of spiders, one cannot overlook the image of the black widow, luring in the male to mate, and then viciously killing and cannibalizing him in order to nourish herself when her eggs have been fertilized. In this way, spiders represent the feminine energies within us. These energies are both the destructive and constructive, as seen in the cycle of death and birth. If dreaming about a black widow spider, or of a spider that kills its mate, your dreams may be telling you that you are experiencing a major transformation in your life.


SPIDERS AS CREATURES OF BALANCE: Spiders hang from slender threads, and walk delicately upon their webs. But, being delicate creatures, if they fall, they can die. A dream of a spider walking a web may indicate that you must take care, for you are walking a fine line in life, or that you are in need of finding a balance. Spiders also have eight legs, which are symbolic of the ancient wheel of the year, which is divided up into the solstices and equinoxes, and the mid-points between them. A dream in which a spider’s legs are the focus may indicate that you are currently experiencing a rut or an in-between stage in life.


SPIDERS AS CREATURES OF FATE: The weaving symbolism of a spider can be extended to the Fates, the demigods in Greek mythology which weave the fate of our lives. This can indicate a connection between the past and the future. It may also be telling you that you are the master of your own destiny, and should take charge in weaving the future you desire.


I'm not really sure which part my dream falls under, but I find it fascinating. I could guess, with some things going on my life, which one it is.

Happy Birthday, Riordan!

I can't believe it's been seven years. I love you, honey!

Just another day?

Every year I have the countdown to listen to. It's glorious in it's own way. "20 days 'til my birthday, mom! 25 days 'til Christmas!" Wait...what? Riordan's birthday is the 22nd, not the 20th...

Poor kid has it in his head that we're celebrating his birthday this weekend rather on his birthday. I try so hard to celebrate it separate from Christmas so it feels like an actual birthday. Every year we have either my parents or my in-laws come over the weekend before Christmas to celebrate Christmas with them. It matters which year it is. This year it's my parents, and since they live 45 minutes away, I didn't want them to come over on both Saturday AND Sunday, so we've decided to celebrate Riordan's birthday on his actual BirthDAY. Dinner out with the family, opening gifts and then dessert. It's hard because his birthday falls within the winter break, and so without any thought beforehand, there are usually no invites that go to his friends. During the break, we have nothing to get in touch with people (have YOU tried getting phone numbers or addresses from 6-year-old's?) and so again, he's hanging with the fam. You can't make a big deal about it IN school for the fear of hurting some kid's feelings by not inviting him. (I can't invite all 24 kids to my house for a birthday party!) It's quite the issue. So, every day, the countdown until his birthday is worded with "we're celebrating my birthday on the 20th!" and me telling him that no, we're waiting until your actual birthday, dude.

We're hoping that his birthday gift, Bronco tickets, will help him get over the disappointment.

Inside

My eldest is reading The God Delusion. It caught me off guard seeing it laying there by his bed. I realized then that I've got to get over whatever I'm dealing with and start going back to church. I'm not one to push my beliefs on others, but Corrin is at the age where he's thinking...a LOT...and I'd like him to hear both sides before coming to a conclusion. It makes me feel as if I've failed that his friends are doing a better job at sharing what they believe than I am.

Through this whole...ordeal (for lack of a better word), I've talked about being unsatisfied with the church rather than God. Organized religion and such. I've even made the comment that I don't think Jesus expected what has happened through the church...and not sure He'd like it. Darn people just screw it up. His message isn't that hard...why do churches make it hard?

I am praying fervently that God shows me a church that doesn't allow the members to fuck it all up.

Magic

I had a wonderful weekend! I went to the cookie exchange and made a gingerbread house (which is now missing most of its candy, due to the boys) and met some new people. Thanks to Jennifer and Donna for throwing a fun party! I then went to a choir and orchestra concert yesterday and enjoyed hanging out with my family and friend as we listened to it. I love watching my mother-in-law sing...it's so very obvious she loves singing because she smiles the entire time. Loved the music...it got me in the Christmas spirit. Riordan loved watching the woman hit the big drum!

The boys and I put up the Christmas tree yesterday, too, so it was a busy day. I am so glad that last year I bought a container that keeps all of the decorations in an easy to pull out way with partitions because in years past I always had to unwrap each decoration before giving it to the boys and it took twice and long and had always ticked the boys off. This time, I just opened the container and the decorations were there to put up! Niiiiiice! No arguing, and the boys love seeing their Christmas oranaments! I've realized that I now need two trees in my house because I have so many decorations that we have gathered throughout the years. I have a fake tree that I can set up...I just have to figure out where it's going to go. It's the "pretty" tree that everything matches. ;)

Daegan has informed Brian and I that he no longer believes in Santa Claus. I asked him why, and he said that Santa's handwriting looks like ours (we've always printed out tags, so I'm not sure where that came from). I just told him that if he believes, his stockings will fill up on Christmas Eve. He told me that years past when he asked Corrin if HE believed in Santa, and Corrin said "not really" that HIS stocking was still filled. I told him that Corrin obviously didn't really mean it and that Santa knew it. It's hard to lie about things like this...but I have one more child in the house that still believes and God forbid his older brother is going to give it away! When Santa is gone, the magic of Christmas morning is gone. :( Christmas Eve and Christmas day is when we talk about Jesus...Christmas morning is all about Santa! I am bummed that Daegan knows the secret, but it lasted longer for him than for Corrin, which I am happy about.

Rushed

This past week and a half has been quite the blur. I've been Christmas shopping like no other, trying to get deals to save a bit of money. I even got up at the crack of dawn (oh, who am I kidding, it was even earlier) on the day after Thanksgiving which I've never done before. As my kids get older, the prices of their wish lists get more expensive...and Brian and I try to get at least one big item for them from Santa.

I also have been hanging out with my friend Stacey who is getting married to my best friend, Gus in May. Wedding dress shopping to be precise. It's been a lot of fun, and I'm happy that she has finally found her dress that she's going to wear on the big day. I'm making 14 dozen cookies for a cookie exchange this weekend, plus getting ready for two parties NEXT weekend, along with Riordan's birthday and Christmas.

I had picked up a volunteer form for the library, but haven't had enough time to fill it out...which means I haven't had enough time to volunteer...so I guess I'll put that off for a bit.

This Christmas season has been unusual, and I believe I talked about this last year, but nothing I've been busy with has had anything to do with church or religious activities. I've missed the joyous sounds of Christian Christmas music, so I'll be attending a Brighton Choir musical on Sunday...hoping to fill me with all that is good. I don't WANT my Christmas to be all about shopping. I miss the constant reminders of why my family celebrates this Holiday in the first place. I'll do whatever I can to include that in the festivities...looking for a church to go to on Christmas Eve.

It's been incredibly cold outside here, which means you go from place to place in a hurry. I'd like to sit down and rest for a bit, but still have so much to do! Maybe if I can get it all done now, the time for rest will come later!!!

Here's wishing you all a nice, relaxing Holiday season.

I can't go back

She's gone. The question of the day today was, "Are you coming back?" When asked this, I feel my body go rigid. My thoughts go to the final weeks of attending where everything is crystal clear. The putdowns, the thoughtless remarks, the absolute power that this church gave to one woman, who was said to be Godly. As people sat by, listening...literally eating up her words without a remark. That was the end for me. Yes, one problem with this church is gone. Yes, it makes me feel like I could visit this church. But come back? No. It's lost to me. When people sit by and let a preacher say things without standing up and saying that it's wrong...I can't trust these people anymore.

I am not laying guilt on just the members. I, too, sat there, feeling myself wanting to regurgitate, but not standing up. Holding the anger in as she said words that were hurtful. So it's not just anger, but my own self hating that I said nothing, too. How can I attend a church that, when I drive by, those feelings come back...every time? How could I possibly help it's healing? I can't.

I don't believe I can return to a church that is known for being "hard on it's ministers". I can't attend a church that is known for the conference to send preachers it's way as a stepping stone to something bigger and better. I cannot attend a church that is part of a conference that doesn't seem to have sane and well preachers. How can I attend a church where there are no children, no music ministry, nothing for my family? It just can't happen. So, I sit here, and try to swallow the anger and hurt again.

I know I have to do something. My mother-in-law suggested I write a letter to the district about what I think the church needs. I feel as if this was a good suggestion, but have to prayerfully consider what I would want to say. I do wish this church would get healthy. It is God's house, and it is there to serve the Lord.

I wish there was something out there...

New Moon Review...I tell it like I see it.

I should preface this entire review with the thought that I wasn't a huge fan of the first movie Twilight after I saw it the first time, but thought it was better the second time around. Not sure why, maybe it was Rob's face that did it for me...but I've watched it several times since then and have enjoyed it. However, I am NOT a Twilighter in the fact that I get so dopey eyed over the looks of the characters that I don't expect more from a movie...especially with fans that dole out a shit load of money to see something good.

Several weeks before the movie, I had watched the previews and had a hopeful attitude. Werewolves looked decent, seemed to follow the storyline, etc. I told myself I was NOT going to reread New Moon because I was so disappointed with Twilight and how they left a lot of important aspects out of the movie (read...meadow scene and how it REALLY went down) so I stayed away from anything remotely having to do with New Moon. Also, my sis-in-law and I decided that we would wait until the general hype wore down a bit so we could actually watch the movie without hearing squeals of sextasy in the movie theater.

Today (finally) came and we're waiting in line, and happen to be standing by an outlandishly gay man (young boy) who was waiting to see the movie for the third time. I thought he might ejaculate in his pants just talking about the movie. Nice guy, but I could tell it might be a long night as he sits down with us as we wait and decides to give us his opinion on whether or not we should watch movies as we see the previews. I decided at this point to not be "friendly Heather" and ignore him from then on. He actually shut his mouth during the actual movie, which was good because I was ready to go Edward on his ass.

Actual movie review:

All in all (from what I can remember) the movie did a decent job in following the book. There were some things they changed, but it didn't bother me that they added in some fight scenes and took out some others scenes from the book. I've seen enough books turned into movies to expect this. The movie flowed well enough. I loved how they showed passage of time during this movie using good camera usage. The werewolves were decent. After seeing Twilight, I was wary about what the CGI was going to look like. Wasn't the best I've seen, but wasn't the worst, also. Taylor. Taylor, Taylor, Taylor. I'd say out of all of the actors, he was the best in cast. Never heard of this kid before, but I thought he did a darn good job playing the role of Jacob. Move over Edward, I'm Team Jacob now.

Now onto the bad. Could Kristen and Rob please take ALLLLL of the money that they have received from these two movies and invest it in acting classes? Please? I mean, I'm going to say the director must have had blinders on. REALLY? That's the best they could do? No retakes? Kristen looked like she always does. She's got the mopey face down...and sometimes she tries to put some anger in her face. I felt NOTHING between the two characters. I don't know about you guys, but when I read New Moon when Edward left, it really, really, really hurt ME when he left because she was so hurt. I just felt...nothing while watching the movie. Edward. Hello? Constipated is all I felt from him. I don't know what I expected...but it wasn't what they showed. No tears? Nothing? Just screaming once in awhile from some bad nightmares.

So, Bella starts hanging out with Jacob, and the smiles come back...along with...chemistry! Aren't Kristen and Rob dating in real life? God, what a nightmare. If I were Rob, I'd be checking out Kristen's phone to see if Taylor is calling...

Also, makeup? Jasper? My God, people...did you not READ what fans were complaining about after the last movie? I can't wait until Jasper quits looking like he wants to upchuck. Bella, please change into a vampire so we can see the Jasper we want to see...

As I read other reviews, all I can see is OMG, Jacob took off his shirt and I was like, OMG!!!! Am I wrong to expect more from this entire saga? I know the writing wasn't the best in the entire world, but I do believe in the story. I liked how the books brought me into another world for awhile, and it was a cool world to be in. I liked how I felt young again while reading it. It's not just about seeing good looking characters, it's rooting for them, and falling in love all over again. I appreciate the fact they wanted good looking actors in these movies, but they should have searched longer. For people that could ACT.

I think I'll wait until Eclipse comes out on video. Sometime around this time next year.

Oh...the boy we sat by? He pulled an Edward move and literally hopped out of his seat and jumped over the bars and ran out of the movie theater. Most dramatic thing that happened during the entire night.

Conveying the bigger picture

Yesterday was a tough one. I knew Corrin had done something and was waiting to talk to him when he got home. He admitted it (which, I have to give him credit for) but didn't see why what he did was wrong. After discussing it in length (read screaming at each other) I think he finally understood the point I was making.

Parenthood. Where you swallow your anger and try to get through the point you are trying to teach them. It's not all about us vs. them, it's about teaching them right from wrong. Teenagers have the us vs. them mentality, and I try so hard to work around that obstacle before laying down the laws of the world. Parents know nothing. They know everything. Conversations include, "Well you're thinking" or "You were going to say" or "You never listen" when really, we're just in a rush to say our point of view before listening to the other. I had to step back, take a breath, and apologize for interrupting, because he was right. I interrupted because I saw where he THOUGHT I was coming from, and I felt he was wrong. However, it's not about ME...but what he perceives, and the lesson I'm trying to teach.

One thing about Corrin and I, we scream, we yell and then it's over. There's no hard feelings (I think!!!) and we move on. He did accuse me of just wanting to get in an argument because I told him he could yell at me as long as he would TELL ME WHAT WAS ON HIS MIND!!! I told him I'm not much for yelling, but if we got to the truth of the matter, than that's what had to happen. I know a lot of people don't agree with the scream and yell method, but the outcome is what I strive for. Understanding. Agreement. Solidarity. Forgiveness. Love.

It's interesting to me, because I think everyone needs to learn how to speak their mind. You can do it plainly, and lovingly, without destroying relationships in the long run. You can tell people, "you pissed me off the other day, and I'd like to talk about it" without the world falling apart. You also can be the first to say, "I know I hurt you, and I am deeply sorry". As long as we do this for the relationship, rather than our own pride or agenda, the end result should be forgiveness.