Yesterday was a tough one. I knew Corrin had done something and was waiting to talk to him when he got home. He admitted it (which, I have to give him credit for) but didn't see why what he did was wrong. After discussing it in length (read screaming at each other) I think he finally understood the point I was making.
Parenthood. Where you swallow your anger and try to get through the point you are trying to teach them. It's not all about us vs. them, it's about teaching them right from wrong. Teenagers have the us vs. them mentality, and I try so hard to work around that obstacle before laying down the laws of the world. Parents know nothing. They know everything. Conversations include, "Well you're thinking" or "You were going to say" or "You never listen" when really, we're just in a rush to say our point of view before listening to the other. I had to step back, take a breath, and apologize for interrupting, because he was right. I interrupted because I saw where he THOUGHT I was coming from, and I felt he was wrong. However, it's not about ME...but what he perceives, and the lesson I'm trying to teach.
One thing about Corrin and I, we scream, we yell and then it's over. There's no hard feelings (I think!!!) and we move on. He did accuse me of just wanting to get in an argument because I told him he could yell at me as long as he would TELL ME WHAT WAS ON HIS MIND!!! I told him I'm not much for yelling, but if we got to the truth of the matter, than that's what had to happen. I know a lot of people don't agree with the scream and yell method, but the outcome is what I strive for. Understanding. Agreement. Solidarity. Forgiveness. Love.
It's interesting to me, because I think everyone needs to learn how to speak their mind. You can do it plainly, and lovingly, without destroying relationships in the long run. You can tell people, "you pissed me off the other day, and I'd like to talk about it" without the world falling apart. You also can be the first to say, "I know I hurt you, and I am deeply sorry". As long as we do this for the relationship, rather than our own pride or agenda, the end result should be forgiveness.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Friday, November 20, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Transition
It's been a very busy summer (read...AUGUST)! I haven't had much time to do anything except work, prepare for my boys going back to school and preparing and attending two baby showers for my sis-in-law. I've enjoyed every minute of it, but am welcoming some time to catch up on things around the house.
The boys start school on Thursday, and it hits me that I will have all days to myself. Someone asked me to tell her how that works out...what that FEELS like. Right now, it feels like a huge piece of what I do has been taken out of the picture. I've been a stay-at-home mom for 9 years. How do you prepare yourself for all of that extra TIME? I know I have tons of projects to do at the house. It's 30 years old and constantly needs new things, new paint, just plain updating. With the boys asthma, I've always had to put off the painting for fear it will cause their asthma to act up. With them gone, I can do some painting in the morning and then air out the house so it's clear by the time they get home. I always have my landscaping to work on. I have work to go to. It just STOPS in October...and then there's nothing...
Corrin starts at the high school this year. I'm sure he's so tired of us telling him that "this is it. It now MEANS something" but he does want to attend CU and that is all we have left to inspire him to stay active and school and get good grades. We can't hold his hand forever, and I refuse to push him when it comes to something like doing homework. The stress if huge, and he needs to learn to do it on his own.
With two nieces coming sometime in September or early October, and one other niece or nephew due the end of January, I'm sure a lot of my time with be spent with my sis-in-law's because I HAVE the time and they won't. It's so weird that my timing has always been way ahead of everyone else, and people are finally catching up. It's weird because I'm not that much older than everyone else, but I feel as if I am sometimes. I have such a feeling of disconnect when I'm talking of plans.
I'm at a different stage, and I don't know what to do with myself.
The boys start school on Thursday, and it hits me that I will have all days to myself. Someone asked me to tell her how that works out...what that FEELS like. Right now, it feels like a huge piece of what I do has been taken out of the picture. I've been a stay-at-home mom for 9 years. How do you prepare yourself for all of that extra TIME? I know I have tons of projects to do at the house. It's 30 years old and constantly needs new things, new paint, just plain updating. With the boys asthma, I've always had to put off the painting for fear it will cause their asthma to act up. With them gone, I can do some painting in the morning and then air out the house so it's clear by the time they get home. I always have my landscaping to work on. I have work to go to. It just STOPS in October...and then there's nothing...
Corrin starts at the high school this year. I'm sure he's so tired of us telling him that "this is it. It now MEANS something" but he does want to attend CU and that is all we have left to inspire him to stay active and school and get good grades. We can't hold his hand forever, and I refuse to push him when it comes to something like doing homework. The stress if huge, and he needs to learn to do it on his own.
With two nieces coming sometime in September or early October, and one other niece or nephew due the end of January, I'm sure a lot of my time with be spent with my sis-in-law's because I HAVE the time and they won't. It's so weird that my timing has always been way ahead of everyone else, and people are finally catching up. It's weird because I'm not that much older than everyone else, but I feel as if I am sometimes. I have such a feeling of disconnect when I'm talking of plans.
I'm at a different stage, and I don't know what to do with myself.
