Friday, January 28, 2011

A question NOT to ask your spouse ie. "loaded questions"

So, we're sitting around the dinner table, talking about a show called The Walking Dead. There is the main character, his wife and his best friend. We find out that the wife thought the main character (her hubby) had died and then starts to sleep with his best friend. Okay. I get it (sorta). Sadness. End of the world as we know it. Not sure how much time has passed so we'll let this go.

By season 6, we find out that somewhere between 30-45 days went by before she slept with her hubby's best friend. What? That can't be right. I don't like the main character's wife anymore....especially when we find out that the main character finds his wife, son AND best friend with other survivors...and no one says anything. No one comes clean. Boooooo.

So, I am talking about this, at dinner, and Brian says, "It's the apocalypse. Give her a break." Needing to argue for whatever reason and because in 16 years I've never asked, I ask, "Well how long would YOU wait until after I died to either meet someone else, or you the deed? Never mind the apocalypse. How long?"

He says, "It would depend."

WHAT????? Stop the press. I'm pissed already. But, instead of ending it there, I say, "Well, I'd be willing to give you, oh, you know, 90 days to grieve."

He then says, "Each person grieves differently. I don't know how long it would take, but you're being ridiculous on giving a set time."

I left the table. lol

This is how I heard it. "I don't love you enough to know for certain that I would grieve for a long time."

This is what I was hoping he would say, "It would take a very long time to stop grieving for you. I don't know how long, but just the idea of you dying makes a tear come to my eye. I wouldn't even THINK of dating anyone else. For quite awhile."

Women. Why do we ask these questions that really, there is no right answer? Hence...loaded question. I wouldn't want him to grieve forever. I would want him to find someone else...eventually. I just wanted to know that the loss of me would be devastating. He didn't answer it wrong. I heard it wrong.

After being extremely pissed all that night and then most of the day (Brian had the Friday off) we finally talk about it again and said the "right" things.

Don't ask questions that you aren't sure how they are going to answer.

Here's a list:

What really happened at your bachelor party?
Do you think I need to lose a little weight?
Am I turning out like my mom?

Please feel free to add more. :P

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Stay-at-home moms: RETHINK!

We had wonderful times together, my sons and I. The parks. The beaches. The swing set moments when I would realize, watching the boys swoop back and forth, that someday these afternoons would seem to have rushed past in nanoseconds, and I would pause, mid-push, to savor the experience while it lasted.

Now I lie awake at 3 a.m., terrified that as a result I am permanently financially screwed.

As of my divorce last year, I'm the single mother of two almost-men whose taste for playgrounds has been replaced by one for high-end consumer products and who will be, in a few more nanoseconds, ready for college. My income -- freelance writing, child support, a couple of menial part-time jobs -- doesn't cover my current expenses, let alone my retirement or the kids' tuition. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of two teenagers must be in want of a steady paycheck and employer-sponsored health insurance.

My attempt to find work could hardly be more ill-timed, with unemployment near 10 percent, with the newspaper industry that once employed me seemingly going the way of blacksmithing. And though I have tried to scrub age-revealing details from my résumé, let's just say my work history is long enough to be a liability, making me simultaneously overqualified and underqualified.

But my biggest handicap may be my history of spending daylight hours in the company of my own kids.

(Read the rest in the url)

Interesting read. It made my blood boil in parts but she made good points in others.

Here's what I have to say about it.

First off, the most noticeable. We are in a recession. She isn't the only one who has been having a hard time getting a job. Is it because she stayed at home for 14 years, or because she's a freelance writer trying to get a job...during a RECESSION. We won't know because there are too many other factors going on.

I do know that when I applied for a job 4 almost 5 years ago, that I was hired the same day, with no Nursery experience but with a love for plants and a knowledge to back it up. I know that I had been a stay at home mom for 6 years prior. I know that the company I work for now would have more people to choose from and could be pickier, and I know there's a chance I wouldn't have gotten the job now if they were hiring. Does it have to do with my being a stay at home mom? Absolutely not.

I do know that telling people to continue to work part time is a good idea, IMO. Whether it be from home, or a few hours a week, allow something on your resume if you decide to go back to work. Although stay at home moms work their butt off, it's still good to be in the work field.

The idea that the NEED for stay at home moms is not there anymore and that more are choosing NOT to stay at home...could this ALSO be because of the economy? Just because the numbers are down doesn't mean the want isn't there to stay at home, it could mean that people can't afford to live without two people working.

She talks about how she is divorced and has nothing and that there is no money for her kids school. This is about planning, or in her case, the lack thereof. No one plans to get divorced, and I am not naive in thinking that "it will never happen to me" (if you divorce me, love, I am kicking your ass) but I am also of the opinion that if you have marital struggles, you do something about it. You go to counseling, you make time for each other, you communicate and you are a good spouse. I don't know what happened between her and her husband, but I am not an advocate of divorce. I am also not a fan of marrying an asshat who doesn't help support her kids. Being a single parent is hard, regardless if you had been a stay-at-home mom or not. Plan, that's all I am saying. If it's not divorce, it's the possibility of your spouse losing his/her job, or worse...dying.

The thing that upsets me the most is the way it seems she is blaming her kids and raising them on her troubles right now. I would hate for her kids to read this, and see the guilt that they feel that mom isn't feeling like a winner right now...and hey, she thinks it's THEIR fault. Awesome. Being a parent (stay-at-home or not) is about sacrifices. You don't get to go out as often, you don't get to buy the newest and greatest car, your friends might slowly start dwindling because they DON'T GET IT. It happens. To me, it's worth it. Everything is WORTH it. I am a parent and I wouldn't change it for the world.

Here's the deal: I believe that kids can be perfectly fine growing up in day care. I do. I just choose to raise my kids the way I want to. I choose NOT to have someone else raise them. I choose to live a life a little differently than others who choose to work. I never judge anyone who makes the choice to work over the choice to stay at home. I figure we, as moms, need to stick together and support each other because either way, being a mom is HARD. No matter how you slice it.

Also, whoever came up with the term "opted out" when it comes to stay-at-home-moms...screw you.

What do you think?

Friday, January 7, 2011

16 years


How did time pass so quickly?

Happy Anniversary, my love.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Dry Winter

Your hands are dry. Hair has static. Can't touch anything in your house without getting zapped. You must live in Colorado in the winter!

So, you put lotion on for your dry body, conditioner on your hair, and...still get zapped by everything you touch in your house. If you are taking care of your dryness, have you stopped to think about your plants and trees needing the same treatment?

I put this out every year, but have to say it again. Water during the winter! We have had such a dry season, and although there is finally snow on the ground, I hope you had watered during September -January, because boy, did those plants need it! If you didn't, no time to start like the present. If we have a dry winter, I always suggest for people to take 5 gallon buckets and drill a small hole in the bottom. Then place the bucket at the base of the tree or near the base. Fill with water. The water will slowly seep into the ground, ensuring you that the tree is getting at least five gallons of water. For the larger trees, I put two buckets down. If it is really dry and the weather highs have been above normal, I will water twice a month. If we had some moisture, then just once. If we have a very wet winter, I do not water at all. If the ground is frozen, I wait until we have a few days of warmer weather before attempting to water at all. I currently have 14 trees and 4 buckets that I distributed around the yard.

This has saved landscapes. While your neighborhood's trees are dead all around you, yours will be lush and healthy in the spring! I also water my shrubs and perennials with a hose.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Moving on to other things

The boys start back at school today.  Brian always jokes around that there is a collective celebration from mom's everywhere after vacation.  i am not rejoicing, we had a good vacation, but I can say I am looking forward to not having to figure out lunches. Can you believe it? That's my only gripe!  Rarely do the boys want the same thing (unless it is fast food) so it is always a chore to pick it out. Plus, with it being so cold outside, they haven't had a lot of activity. Just those damn computer and PS 3 games.  We did play Bop It for hours, but that isn't physical.

Today I will be heading out to Costco with a friend as I have to buy a years supply of Zyrtec for Riordan. We went to get his allergy testing and found out he is allergic to tumbleweeds, grasses, molds, dogs and cats.  There are some other things that showed up as 1's and 2's, which she said could produce higher allergies later. I am hoping he just grows out of the asthma from his allergies!

I am starting to look at the pros and cons of bamboo flooring again.  We have hesitated getting new flooring because we know eventually we will be remodeling our kitchen, and I want to find a flooring that we can match up with the kitchen later.  Or add to if we do any major remodeling.  Our biggest con is the way it scratches, and with a dog that has long claws (even after they are trimmed, she has a long quick), I fear that my OCD will go into overdrive with any type of scratch!  I just know the carpet has got to go downstairs.  It's interesting to read up on bamboo.  I know it's environmentally friendly, as the bamboo grows so quickly, but I didn't know about the dangers of formaldehyde from some manufacturers, or about the labor in China can be seriously WRONG.  So, I get to ask about that when looking at different manufacturers.  I also know I don't like the bleached bamboo look, but the stained look.  Other than that, we are starting from scratch.  Brian wants to install it (one of the easiest to install) but I am looking at how much it would cost to have someone install it for us, just as a backup.

Other than that, the only other big project we will do this spring is putting our patio in.  FINALLY.  So, I am also trying to get quotes on that project, too.

Off to wake up the boys!  Here's hoping they don't protest too much!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Another one bites the dust! Goodbye 2010!

Happy New Year! The New Year doesn't mean much as I don't make resolutions, don't stay up until midnight, and don't drink on New Years Eve. However, it's the start of new seasons, new beginnings in other areas, so I say again...Happy New Year!

Today my two younger children had school for two hours for assessment testing and then they are off again tomorrow. They already had two weeks off previously!  How do working parents manage? I am not sure, but it probably involves working something out with day care. How do they get them to school and back with the day care?  More than I would want to deal with!  It was nice to have a nice breather, whatever reason.  Ran around and did errands like a mad woman with the two hours I had, as the oldest IS back in school.

Christmas, Riordan's Birthday and New Years went well. We had a lovely dinner at our house with my parents for Christmas. Dad had made some videos that included Riordan as a baby, along with some other festivities. Video captures so much more! A lot of fun for all of us to watch. Mom tricked me and put a heavy brick along with my present, so we had a good laugh over that. (I had asked for a giftcard) ha! This year was especially special because the boys really put in some thought about what to get me this year. It brought tears to my eyes!

For Christmas Eve we went to our old church. It's the first time I have been in the church where I didn't feel anger. Lovely service and I was glad we went.  Not sure if I'm ready to go back there continuously, but I would listen to another sermon by the new pastor.

Although I didn't make any resolutions, I did tell myself I would write more in this blog rather than my private one.  I am writing almost daily there, but just needed a break from making sure what I wrote was fitting for others eyes.  It was nice just to WRITE.  Anyway, I hope to be writing here more often. 

In a few days Brian and I will be celebrating our 16th Anniversary.  16 years.  Wow.  I even have a hard time imagining so much time has passed.  We sit in bed and recall things from the earlier years and when we were dating and although look back fondly...we are so glad we are where we are today. 

Here's wishing you a prosperous New Year.  I pray for better news daily, my mom's continued good health, the job market to get better, the boys to stay healthy and for my hubby and I to make it to another year. ;)