Mom and dad met with the oncologist yesterday. Not a lot of info was gleaned from the conversation. We found out there were several lymph nodes enlarged (15-30%). None of them are on vital tissue, organs or any other place. Which makes it easier if mom chooses surgery to remove them.
Mom now has decided NOT to do the IP. I talked to dad briefly, and not mom, so I don't know what happened there...if the doctor didn't think it would be more beneficial, or if the doctor said it was extremely hard on the body. Doesn't matter...she's not doing it.
So now, dad and the doctor are looking at a clinical trial in Denver to make sure the medication mom is currently on won't keep her out of the trial. It looks like we still have to wait until 3 months for the pet scan, and for more time in between the chemo treatments. However, mom and dad will meeting with another doctor on Friday, and we might hear more from her. There are other clinical trials throughout the country, too, that dad is looking at. It all matters what is most beneficial and what could yield the best results. Avastin was brought up, because her oncologist has seen good results from the usage of it.
I talked to mom yesterday before her appointment and she sounds good. I tell you people, prayer works. Her spirits were a LOT higher. She wants to fight, she doesn't want to die. She said she needs to hear positive thinking. I would suggest to NOT have the words, "I'm sorry" come out of your mouth if you talk to her. I know it's easy for it to spill (because you ARE sorry!!) but focus on what's next...and keep her busy. She's going to have a few months to have to sit and wait.
I am most sad that it sounds like mom and dad's Scotland trip has been temporarily put on hold. It's all in the timing. Last chemo, the last two treatments were very hard and took longer to bounce back. If she starts in June, it's getting close to the September mark for her final treatments.
As for me and how I am dealing...need to go to the doctor for anxiety. My stomach is upset all of the time. Just anxious and not feeling all that great. As time goes on, I am hoping it will get easier. I just don't know.
Keep praying!!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Dog Days
FINALLY! Found a woman's voice that I love. I don't know if you were able to watch the Grammy's last night, but Florence sang with four other women a tribute to Aretha Franklin. Just an incredible voice, and I haven't been able to stop listening to this song since last week!! Florence + The Machine "Dog Days Are Over" The video is a LITTLE strange, but I sure enjoy her voice!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Not good news
As some of you have heard, mom's cancer is back. NOT with a vengeance ...we are glad that she has been getting the scans more often because of the clinical trial. However, you have to treat it fast as it is so quick at spreading. The cancer is located on a lymphnode located in her stomach. The initial procedure is giving mom a drug that is an estrogen prohibitor similar to what breast cancer patients have to take. After three months, they will take another scan. In the meantime, that allows more time between chemo sessions which has been proven to work better with more time in between. Mom and dad will be meeting with mom's oncologist on Monday and getting a second opinion from the surgeon who did mom's initial surgery in 2009 on Friday. Both women are very knowledgeable about ovarian cancer and mom.
After some reeling, mom is ready for action. When given the diagnosis of PPC, the oncologist suggested mom do the IP chemo treatment. Essentially, that is chemo directly going to her midsection (where the cancer is) rather than through all of blood stream. Mom said no to this at first but now is on board.
I would ask that you pray for these things specifically :
1) Allow the doctors to use their knowledge of mom and her personality to offer all that is available.
2) Calm my mom's heart, anxiety and shower her with support.
3) As my dad does all the research, let him and mom speak frankly to each other. When fear is involved, emotions can get in the way.
4) Pray for mom, dad, me, and all of our loved ones. Let us lift mom up, encourage her and be there for each other
5) if it is God's will, please heal my mother.
More updates will be posted. The knowledge is still new and we are dealing with it the best way we can.
After some reeling, mom is ready for action. When given the diagnosis of PPC, the oncologist suggested mom do the IP chemo treatment. Essentially, that is chemo directly going to her midsection (where the cancer is) rather than through all of blood stream. Mom said no to this at first but now is on board.
I would ask that you pray for these things specifically :
1) Allow the doctors to use their knowledge of mom and her personality to offer all that is available.
2) Calm my mom's heart, anxiety and shower her with support.
3) As my dad does all the research, let him and mom speak frankly to each other. When fear is involved, emotions can get in the way.
4) Pray for mom, dad, me, and all of our loved ones. Let us lift mom up, encourage her and be there for each other
5) if it is God's will, please heal my mother.
More updates will be posted. The knowledge is still new and we are dealing with it the best way we can.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Phone call
Mind reeling, going to places I don't want it to go. So worried and am praying non stop. Angry, confused, frustrated, and so impatient for more information. The waiting for the phone call is always the worst.
Kind of wish I went to my classes today but know how my mind works. I would have been useless.
I wish she would call.
Kind of wish I went to my classes today but know how my mind works. I would have been useless.
I wish she would call.
Friday, February 4, 2011
12 days AFTER Christmas
It's been cold. And snowy. Two things that TOGETHER make it very hard to deal with. The boys have had no school because of the temps, and I can't kick them out because when I say very cold...I mean one day we had a high of 0. Negative 25 with wind chill. It's been an...entertaining week!
So, here's a wrap up:
12 loads of laundry
11 games of Hangman
10 days of whining
9 fights to break up
8 meals to cook
7 degrees, it's warming!
6 days of freezing
5...inches of snow!
4 daily school trips
3 rowdy boys
2 frozen pipes
and a mom stuck in the house!!!
More snow is on it's way! I will venture out because we have an actual high that makes sense today. Time to stock up on the food. Who knew that a quarter of Brian's checks would go to groceries with three boys in the house?!?
If you are in the other 1/3 of our country that the weather has made time stand still, stay warm and safe!
So, here's a wrap up:
12 loads of laundry
11 games of Hangman
10 days of whining
9 fights to break up
8 meals to cook
7 degrees, it's warming!
6 days of freezing
5...inches of snow!
4 daily school trips
3 rowdy boys
2 frozen pipes
and a mom stuck in the house!!!
More snow is on it's way! I will venture out because we have an actual high that makes sense today. Time to stock up on the food. Who knew that a quarter of Brian's checks would go to groceries with three boys in the house?!?
If you are in the other 1/3 of our country that the weather has made time stand still, stay warm and safe!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
It hasn't stopped, the fear
Mom goes in for her CA125 and Pet scan today. Every three months, like clockwork. I really, really try to be optimistic, but know we all will be devastated to hear bad news. She decided to go in today so she could hear results tomorrow and not have to wait the weekend. I also appreciate that. I can't stand the waiting game.
I, along with other cousins, have been coordinating our reunion for this year. It had been mentioned to maybe put it off for another year because it was getting hard to find a place. In the back of my mind, no matter how much I tried not to listen to it, was the thought that we might not HAVE another year. Make the time important! Make it happen!! So, we made it happen and will all be gathering in June.
I don't think of the cancer daily. I can go several days without thinking of it. However, when I hear that a friend's cancer came back, it hits me like a ton of bricks. When I have friends dying, it brings me to tears for so many reasons.
I hate cancer.
I, along with other cousins, have been coordinating our reunion for this year. It had been mentioned to maybe put it off for another year because it was getting hard to find a place. In the back of my mind, no matter how much I tried not to listen to it, was the thought that we might not HAVE another year. Make the time important! Make it happen!! So, we made it happen and will all be gathering in June.
I don't think of the cancer daily. I can go several days without thinking of it. However, when I hear that a friend's cancer came back, it hits me like a ton of bricks. When I have friends dying, it brings me to tears for so many reasons.
I hate cancer.
Friday, January 28, 2011
A question NOT to ask your spouse ie. "loaded questions"
So, we're sitting around the dinner table, talking about a show called The Walking Dead. There is the main character, his wife and his best friend. We find out that the wife thought the main character (her hubby) had died and then starts to sleep with his best friend. Okay. I get it (sorta). Sadness. End of the world as we know it. Not sure how much time has passed so we'll let this go.
By season 6, we find out that somewhere between 30-45 days went by before she slept with her hubby's best friend. What? That can't be right. I don't like the main character's wife anymore....especially when we find out that the main character finds his wife, son AND best friend with other survivors...and no one says anything. No one comes clean. Boooooo.
So, I am talking about this, at dinner, and Brian says, "It's the apocalypse. Give her a break." Needing to argue for whatever reason and because in 16 years I've never asked, I ask, "Well how long would YOU wait until after I died to either meet someone else, or you know...do the deed? Never mind the apocalypse. How long?"
He says, "It would depend."
WHAT????? Stop the press. I'm pissed already. But, instead of ending it there, I say, "Well, I'd be willing to give you, oh, you know, 90 days to grieve."
He then says, "Each person grieves differently. I don't know how long it would take, but you're being ridiculous on giving a set time."
I left the table. lol
This is how I heard it. "I don't love you enough to know for certain that I would grieve for a long time."
This is what I was hoping he would say, "It would take a very long time to stop grieving for you. I don't know how long, but just the idea of you dying makes a tear come to my eye. I wouldn't even THINK of dating anyone else. For quite awhile."
Women. Why do we ask these questions that really, there is no right answer? Hence...loaded question. I wouldn't want him to grieve forever. I would want him to find someone else...eventually. I just wanted to know that the loss of me would be devastating. He didn't answer it wrong. I heard it wrong.
After being extremely pissed all that night and then most of the day (Brian had the Friday off) we finally talk about it again and said the "right" things.
Don't ask questions that you aren't sure how they are going to answer.
Here's a list:
What really happened at your bachelor party?
Do you think I need to lose a little weight?
Am I turning out like my mom?
Please feel free to add more. :P
By season 6, we find out that somewhere between 30-45 days went by before she slept with her hubby's best friend. What? That can't be right. I don't like the main character's wife anymore....especially when we find out that the main character finds his wife, son AND best friend with other survivors...and no one says anything. No one comes clean. Boooooo.
So, I am talking about this, at dinner, and Brian says, "It's the apocalypse. Give her a break." Needing to argue for whatever reason and because in 16 years I've never asked, I ask, "Well how long would YOU wait until after I died to either meet someone else, or you know...do the deed? Never mind the apocalypse. How long?"
He says, "It would depend."
WHAT????? Stop the press. I'm pissed already. But, instead of ending it there, I say, "Well, I'd be willing to give you, oh, you know, 90 days to grieve."
He then says, "Each person grieves differently. I don't know how long it would take, but you're being ridiculous on giving a set time."
I left the table. lol
This is how I heard it. "I don't love you enough to know for certain that I would grieve for a long time."
This is what I was hoping he would say, "It would take a very long time to stop grieving for you. I don't know how long, but just the idea of you dying makes a tear come to my eye. I wouldn't even THINK of dating anyone else. For quite awhile."
Women. Why do we ask these questions that really, there is no right answer? Hence...loaded question. I wouldn't want him to grieve forever. I would want him to find someone else...eventually. I just wanted to know that the loss of me would be devastating. He didn't answer it wrong. I heard it wrong.
After being extremely pissed all that night and then most of the day (Brian had the Friday off) we finally talk about it again and said the "right" things.
Don't ask questions that you aren't sure how they are going to answer.
Here's a list:
What really happened at your bachelor party?
Do you think I need to lose a little weight?
Am I turning out like my mom?
Please feel free to add more. :P
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Stay-at-home moms: RETHINK!
http://www.salon.com/life/pinched/2011/01/05/wish_i_hadnt_opted_out
We had wonderful times together, my sons and I. The parks. The beaches. The swing set moments when I would realize, watching the boys swoop back and forth, that someday these afternoons would seem to have rushed past in nanoseconds, and I would pause, mid-push, to savor the experience while it lasted.
Now I lie awake at 3 a.m., terrified that as a result I am permanently financially screwed.
As of my divorce last year, I'm the single mother of two almost-men whose taste for playgrounds has been replaced by one for high-end consumer products and who will be, in a few more nanoseconds, ready for college. My income -- freelance writing, child support, a couple of menial part-time jobs -- doesn't cover my current expenses, let alone my retirement or the kids' tuition. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of two teenagers must be in want of a steady paycheck and employer-sponsored health insurance.
My attempt to find work could hardly be more ill-timed, with unemployment near 10 percent, with the newspaper industry that once employed me seemingly going the way of blacksmithing. And though I have tried to scrub age-revealing details from my résumé, let's just say my work history is long enough to be a liability, making me simultaneously overqualified and underqualified.
But my biggest handicap may be my history of spending daylight hours in the company of my own kids.
(Read the rest in the url)
Interesting read. It made my blood boil in parts but she made good points in others.
Here's what I have to say about it.
First off, the most noticeable. We are in a recession. She isn't the only one who has been having a hard time getting a job. Is it because she stayed at home for 14 years, or because she's a freelance writer trying to get a job...during a RECESSION. We won't know because there are too many other factors going on.
I do know that when I applied for a job 4 almost 5 years ago, that I was hired the same day, with no Nursery experience but with a love for plants and a knowledge to back it up. I know that I had been a stay at home mom for 6 years prior. I know that the company I work for now would have more people to choose from and could be pickier, and I know there's a chance I wouldn't have gotten the job now if they were hiring. Does it have to do with my being a stay at home mom? Absolutely not.
I do know that telling people to continue to work part time is a good idea, IMO. Whether it be from home, or a few hours a week, allow something on your resume if you decide to go back to work. Although stay at home moms work their butt off, it's still good to be in the work field.
The idea that the NEED for stay at home moms is not there anymore and that more are choosing NOT to stay at home...could this ALSO be because of the economy? Just because the numbers are down doesn't mean the want isn't there to stay at home, it could mean that people can't afford to live without two people working.
She talks about how she is divorced and has nothing and that there is no money for her kids school. This is about planning, or in her case, the lack thereof. No one plans to get divorced, and I am not naive in thinking that "it will never happen to me" (if you divorce me, love, I am kicking your ass) but I am also of the opinion that if you have marital struggles, you do something about it. You go to counseling, you make time for each other, you communicate and you are a good spouse. I don't know what happened between her and her husband, but I am not an advocate of divorce. I am also not a fan of marrying an asshat who doesn't help support her kids. Being a single parent is hard, regardless if you had been a stay-at-home mom or not. Plan, that's all I am saying. If it's not divorce, it's the possibility of your spouse losing his/her job, or worse...dying.
The thing that upsets me the most is the way it seems she is blaming her kids and raising them on her troubles right now. I would hate for her kids to read this, and see the guilt that they feel that mom isn't feeling like a winner right now...and hey, she thinks it's THEIR fault. Awesome. Being a parent (stay-at-home or not) is about sacrifices. You don't get to go out as often, you don't get to buy the newest and greatest car, your friends might slowly start dwindling because they DON'T GET IT. It happens. To me, it's worth it. Everything is WORTH it. I am a parent and I wouldn't change it for the world.
Here's the deal: I believe that kids can be perfectly fine growing up in day care. I do. I just choose to raise my kids the way I want to. I choose NOT to have someone else raise them. I choose to live a life a little differently than others who choose to work. I never judge anyone who makes the choice to work over the choice to stay at home. I figure we, as moms, need to stick together and support each other because either way, being a mom is HARD. No matter how you slice it.
Also, whoever came up with the term "opted out" when it comes to stay-at-home-moms...screw you.
What do you think?
We had wonderful times together, my sons and I. The parks. The beaches. The swing set moments when I would realize, watching the boys swoop back and forth, that someday these afternoons would seem to have rushed past in nanoseconds, and I would pause, mid-push, to savor the experience while it lasted.
Now I lie awake at 3 a.m., terrified that as a result I am permanently financially screwed.
As of my divorce last year, I'm the single mother of two almost-men whose taste for playgrounds has been replaced by one for high-end consumer products and who will be, in a few more nanoseconds, ready for college. My income -- freelance writing, child support, a couple of menial part-time jobs -- doesn't cover my current expenses, let alone my retirement or the kids' tuition. It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single woman in possession of two teenagers must be in want of a steady paycheck and employer-sponsored health insurance.
My attempt to find work could hardly be more ill-timed, with unemployment near 10 percent, with the newspaper industry that once employed me seemingly going the way of blacksmithing. And though I have tried to scrub age-revealing details from my résumé, let's just say my work history is long enough to be a liability, making me simultaneously overqualified and underqualified.
But my biggest handicap may be my history of spending daylight hours in the company of my own kids.
(Read the rest in the url)
Interesting read. It made my blood boil in parts but she made good points in others.
Here's what I have to say about it.
First off, the most noticeable. We are in a recession. She isn't the only one who has been having a hard time getting a job. Is it because she stayed at home for 14 years, or because she's a freelance writer trying to get a job...during a RECESSION. We won't know because there are too many other factors going on.
I do know that when I applied for a job 4 almost 5 years ago, that I was hired the same day, with no Nursery experience but with a love for plants and a knowledge to back it up. I know that I had been a stay at home mom for 6 years prior. I know that the company I work for now would have more people to choose from and could be pickier, and I know there's a chance I wouldn't have gotten the job now if they were hiring. Does it have to do with my being a stay at home mom? Absolutely not.
I do know that telling people to continue to work part time is a good idea, IMO. Whether it be from home, or a few hours a week, allow something on your resume if you decide to go back to work. Although stay at home moms work their butt off, it's still good to be in the work field.
The idea that the NEED for stay at home moms is not there anymore and that more are choosing NOT to stay at home...could this ALSO be because of the economy? Just because the numbers are down doesn't mean the want isn't there to stay at home, it could mean that people can't afford to live without two people working.
She talks about how she is divorced and has nothing and that there is no money for her kids school. This is about planning, or in her case, the lack thereof. No one plans to get divorced, and I am not naive in thinking that "it will never happen to me" (if you divorce me, love, I am kicking your ass) but I am also of the opinion that if you have marital struggles, you do something about it. You go to counseling, you make time for each other, you communicate and you are a good spouse. I don't know what happened between her and her husband, but I am not an advocate of divorce. I am also not a fan of marrying an asshat who doesn't help support her kids. Being a single parent is hard, regardless if you had been a stay-at-home mom or not. Plan, that's all I am saying. If it's not divorce, it's the possibility of your spouse losing his/her job, or worse...dying.
The thing that upsets me the most is the way it seems she is blaming her kids and raising them on her troubles right now. I would hate for her kids to read this, and see the guilt that they feel that mom isn't feeling like a winner right now...and hey, she thinks it's THEIR fault. Awesome. Being a parent (stay-at-home or not) is about sacrifices. You don't get to go out as often, you don't get to buy the newest and greatest car, your friends might slowly start dwindling because they DON'T GET IT. It happens. To me, it's worth it. Everything is WORTH it. I am a parent and I wouldn't change it for the world.
Here's the deal: I believe that kids can be perfectly fine growing up in day care. I do. I just choose to raise my kids the way I want to. I choose NOT to have someone else raise them. I choose to live a life a little differently than others who choose to work. I never judge anyone who makes the choice to work over the choice to stay at home. I figure we, as moms, need to stick together and support each other because either way, being a mom is HARD. No matter how you slice it.
Also, whoever came up with the term "opted out" when it comes to stay-at-home-moms...screw you.
What do you think?
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Dry Winter
Your hands are dry. Hair has static. Can't touch anything in your house without getting zapped. You must live in Colorado in the winter!
So, you put lotion on for your dry body, conditioner on your hair, and...still get zapped by everything you touch in your house. If you are taking care of your dryness, have you stopped to think about your plants and trees needing the same treatment?
I put this out every year, but have to say it again. Water during the winter! We have had such a dry season, and although there is finally snow on the ground, I hope you had watered during September -January, because boy, did those plants need it! If you didn't, no time to start like the present. If we have a dry winter, I always suggest for people to take 5 gallon buckets and drill a small hole in the bottom. Then place the bucket at the base of the tree or near the base. Fill with water. The water will slowly seep into the ground, ensuring you that the tree is getting at least five gallons of water. For the larger trees, I put two buckets down. If it is really dry and the weather highs have been above normal, I will water twice a month. If we had some moisture, then just once. If we have a very wet winter, I do not water at all. If the ground is frozen, I wait until we have a few days of warmer weather before attempting to water at all. I currently have 14 trees and 4 buckets that I distributed around the yard.
This has saved landscapes. While your neighborhood's trees are dead all around you, yours will be lush and healthy in the spring! I also water my shrubs and perennials with a hose.
So, you put lotion on for your dry body, conditioner on your hair, and...still get zapped by everything you touch in your house. If you are taking care of your dryness, have you stopped to think about your plants and trees needing the same treatment?
I put this out every year, but have to say it again. Water during the winter! We have had such a dry season, and although there is finally snow on the ground, I hope you had watered during September -January, because boy, did those plants need it! If you didn't, no time to start like the present. If we have a dry winter, I always suggest for people to take 5 gallon buckets and drill a small hole in the bottom. Then place the bucket at the base of the tree or near the base. Fill with water. The water will slowly seep into the ground, ensuring you that the tree is getting at least five gallons of water. For the larger trees, I put two buckets down. If it is really dry and the weather highs have been above normal, I will water twice a month. If we had some moisture, then just once. If we have a very wet winter, I do not water at all. If the ground is frozen, I wait until we have a few days of warmer weather before attempting to water at all. I currently have 14 trees and 4 buckets that I distributed around the yard.
This has saved landscapes. While your neighborhood's trees are dead all around you, yours will be lush and healthy in the spring! I also water my shrubs and perennials with a hose.
