Friday, November 28, 2008

He's not coming. I called my brother yesterday, got his voicemail. Left him a message wanting to know if he was still going to be here, well, today. Told him that we'd figure out a way for him to get from Boulder to where my parents live.

He called and left me a message saying he was sick, his girlfriend is looking for a place to live in Cali, and that she wanted him to wait a couple more weeks. If I wouldn't have called him, we would have never known.

I'm not surprised. However, no matter how hard I try NOT to be hurt, I am hurt. He has always had that effect on me. While lying in bed last night, I went over things that I would love to say to him, but never have had the chance to. The questions always start out with "Why?" and "How?" Why have you decided to not be a part of our lives? Why have you let so much time go without trying to make things better? How can you NOT miss your family? Do you know you have three perfect nephews that would worship you...and you're missing it ALL? Do you know you have a family that would take you back like the prodigal son if you would just make the effort? Why are you the way you are? What do you tell your friends and girlfriend about us...that you never have contact with us? How could a woman be okay with that?

He said he's thinking of coming out in a couple of weeks. I do not believe him. He didn't call my mom on her birthday, nor did he try to contact us to say Happy Thanksgiving. It's more of the same. Distant. Self absorbed. I want to strangle him.

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