Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Hourglass

Card shopping has become an extremely hard thing to do when I'm buying one for my mom. I feel as if I should go shop for them around midnight so no one is around to see me bawl my eyes out. Every card I looked at made my eyes tear up, and I looked like a ninny. I picked out a card for my mom that essentially said, "what would I do without you" because it's STILL on my mind. What would my life be like without her in it?? She cried while reading it, because she wondered, as I did, if she'd make it to her next birthday. I cried while buying it, because the words rang so true.

No card ever says it all. There are no words to say how thankful I am that I have another year with her. There is no card that says everything that I feel needs to be said. I don't have the words to be able to express how deep my love is for her.

I try not to hear a clock slowly ticking time down, reminding us that our time together could be short. Instead, I try to appreciate each and every moment that we have together. Not as it would be our last, but enjoy it like it's a first. We don't know what God's plan is for mom. She has a 50% chance to survive this cancer five years. If she passes that five year mark, we're in the clear. It's amazing how struggle and pain makes you appreciate life so much more. We have an appointment for a pedicure on Tuesday (mom's first...I'm going all out) and it brings a smile to my face to think about being there as she experiences it. How could she NOT love it?

Today, it was a good day. Happy Birthday, mom.

2 comments:

Cari said...

you have such a wonderfully close relationship with your mom. I wish I had that with mine.

I do the same when picking out cards for my mom, only the tears come because there seems to be so much distance between us and I don't know how to fix it. Something keeps me from reaching out and I know someday she's not going to be here, and I'll hate myself for doing nothing.

I think about mortality and what it would be like to lose her but the thoughts that popped up for me, are that of guilt; Shouldn't I be trying harder to build that bridge?

Heather said...

Without our parents love and/or acceptance, we fail. I truly believe this. All it takes is ONE to reach out in a relationship. I don't know the ins and outs of what yours is like, so I don't want to belittle the situation. However, there's no time like the present to reach out and let her know you're there. You want to try.