Friday, November 20, 2009

Conveying the bigger picture

Yesterday was a tough one. I knew Corrin had done something and was waiting to talk to him when he got home. He admitted it (which, I have to give him credit for) but didn't see why what he did was wrong. After discussing it in length (read screaming at each other) I think he finally understood the point I was making.

Parenthood. Where you swallow your anger and try to get through the point you are trying to teach them. It's not all about us vs. them, it's about teaching them right from wrong. Teenagers have the us vs. them mentality, and I try so hard to work around that obstacle before laying down the laws of the world. Parents know nothing. They know everything. Conversations include, "Well you're thinking" or "You were going to say" or "You never listen" when really, we're just in a rush to say our point of view before listening to the other. I had to step back, take a breath, and apologize for interrupting, because he was right. I interrupted because I saw where he THOUGHT I was coming from, and I felt he was wrong. However, it's not about ME...but what he perceives, and the lesson I'm trying to teach.

One thing about Corrin and I, we scream, we yell and then it's over. There's no hard feelings (I think!!!) and we move on. He did accuse me of just wanting to get in an argument because I told him he could yell at me as long as he would TELL ME WHAT WAS ON HIS MIND!!! I told him I'm not much for yelling, but if we got to the truth of the matter, than that's what had to happen. I know a lot of people don't agree with the scream and yell method, but the outcome is what I strive for. Understanding. Agreement. Solidarity. Forgiveness. Love.

It's interesting to me, because I think everyone needs to learn how to speak their mind. You can do it plainly, and lovingly, without destroying relationships in the long run. You can tell people, "you pissed me off the other day, and I'd like to talk about it" without the world falling apart. You also can be the first to say, "I know I hurt you, and I am deeply sorry". As long as we do this for the relationship, rather than our own pride or agenda, the end result should be forgiveness.

2 comments:

Nancy said...

Sounds to me like you're a kick-ass mom.

Cari said...

I agree with Nancy ; )

And, I agree with your point at the end, that we should always be truthful, even if it might hurt a little. Because really, people who avoid being honest for that reason are really just cowards who are people pleasers. Honesty is always the best policy. Always. Especially with those we love ; )