Realization

I had sort of a mini break-down yesterday. Just a bit of a crying jag...thank goodness my hubby was there. I don't like crying in front of the boys because they think it's something they did, and it had nothing to do with them.

Around the holidays, it's a little bit crazy for everyone. It's like we have this heightened awareness...and also sensitivity. I'm not sure if it's like this for everyone, but I know that I'm a bit more teary during this time of year. The extra stress of getting everything done just right along with my mom still not feeling good is starting to wear me down.

As I was crying, I said, "I just want to make everything alright" or something to that effect. I'm feeling very helpless with my mother's situation and I'm transferring that to everyone else in my family by trying to make everyone happy and well. We had my in-law family over and some things were said that I felt were personal attacks to me. Looking back, they weren't, it just made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Not taking care of everyone correctly.

I have a decision to make. I can either take what I know in stride and just let things go, or I can actually talk to the person that hurt me. Is it my problem as of late, or is it something that needs to be discussed?

When I become sensitive (and this isn't a normal occurance for me...usually I get pissed and then just let it go) things tend to pile up and everything gets to me unless I talk about the first, uh, transgression. I don't like feeling this way, it's coloring my holidays with an ugly tint, and I normally love this time of year.

I'm normally a very open person (some say too direct). I feel as if I try to be tactful, but with this person, nothing I could say would go over well. The decision to make is...do I say something so I feel better and make the other person feel as I do now? Or do I let it go and feel like shit? I know I'll get over it, but can't guarantee the other person will.

Ahhh, the holidays.